My Thought on Obsessive Thinking and the Penis
Me on Obsessive Thinking and the penis:
Obsessions are all in your head but these "head" things have a very creative way of manifesting themselves into a very real problems. I don't think it is simply a problem with paranoia, although that is something you are going through, but more obsession and possibly compulsions. I go through very similar problems and can attest to things seeming very real...so real that I believe other people know what is in my head. It has caused me unnecessary hardships and has robbed me of even the most basic normality of life. Obsessions are extremely debilitating but there are things you can do to help give you better quality of life.
Let me relate this to myself and a typical situation, this will show how insidious this problem really is. For me it starts out as a simple thought...I will be looking at porn and I think to myself, "wow that guys dick looks huge...I wonder if he is bigger than me" Most people would have this thought, soon forget it and go on with watching their movie but my brain does not work that way. The thought will spin in my head like a record and start a mental skip...."wow that guys dick looks huge...I wonder if he is bigger than me ..............."wow that guys dick looks huge...I wonder if he is bigger than me"..............."wow that guys dick looks huge...I wonder if he is bigger than me".... Eventually my concentration is lost and I get a nagging desire to challenge the thought with "real" evidence and prove it wrong. At this point the movie gets paused on the guy, I get every possible measuring device and start the long, fruitless task of proving the thought incorrect. Sound fun yet? Next I measure or compare or weigh or whatever gives me a rational conclusion in this mental dilemma. (did I just say rational?) Let's say this was a good night and I actually proved to myself I was bigger or longer or thicker or any other penis related "er". I then go back to the movie feeling pretty accomplished, I proved it wrong. Maybe a minute goes by and a new thought replaces the earlier one...."Maybe you measured wrong" then the argument starts between me and me.
Obsessive Voice: "Are you sure you measured right"
Rational Voice: "I am positive"
Obsessive Voice: "Nau, maybe you did it too quickly"
Rational Voice: "No, I remember, it was a very accurate measurement"
Obsessive Voice: "Just do it again to be sure"
Rational Voice: "I don't have too, I just measured"
Obsessive Voice: "What's a matter, scared?"
Rational Voice: "No"
Obsessive Voice: "Then just do it"
This thought pattern will go on until I go back and double check then the entire scenario starts over again. This could go on for 15 minutes or an entire day depending on when the record in my brain stops skipping. A double check will quickly become 3rd, 4th, 5th....100-check.
The problem with this proof, being the actual compulsion, is the obsession uses it as fuel to make it's value that much bigger...that much scarier. With each episode the obsession grows larger than life. Even though, at the time, I think the proof is helping it is really keeping me in bondage. An episode like this could put me in a mood where I think everybody knows my problem. My girlfriend, Jen, may make a totally innocent comment like "I'm feeling sorta sick" and, of course my deranged mind hears "you have a little dick" As silly as this sounds this is how far this insidious problem will go. It will fuck up my night, my relationship, my sex drive, my motivation...everything and this is only one example of my many obsessive problems.
I understand that your problem is different than mine but every obsession and compulsion share many of the same traits. I hope you are able to see the similarities in our situations. There is hope and things can get better but you will need to take charge and fight this thing. Again, I would rather relate this to myself in hopes it helps you. When an intruding thought comes in my head I need to make a decision to just ignore it. Such a simple thing but ignoring the starting thought will rob the obsession of it's powers and eventually you will be able to move on. When an obsessive thought has been around a while it dies hard so prepare yourself for battle. It may take time to erase these beliefs in your head but I promise you it is worth it. When you take charge and fight back it leads to a much better quality of life.
I can give you reassurance all day long but until you believe it the words won't stick. This belief comes from you and your ability to destroy these obsessions. Here are some links to some articles I have wrote on the subject. I hope it helps.
Is Everything Really What it Seems? A Study on Porn
Obsessive Thought and Penis Enlargement
Mind Over Penis..Intensity vs. Belief
Does Size Matter
Penis Enlargement is SPAM BULLSHIT...Don't Believe the Hype!
Do you see your penis as larger or smaller?
Does the world deserve to know about PE?
Sexuality as Motivation
Visual, Spiritual and Mental PE Process
A Closer Look at Depression
Obessive Thinking and Some Theory