What heppens when Penis Enlargement takes over? A view on obsessiveness

I think I was obsessed with my penis at a very early age, I remember looking at it allot, playing with it, pulling it, whatever 5 year olds do with their penis only I would go over board. I guess I was always obsessed with "the big penis" also. I remember seeing John Holmes in a video when I was very young and that penis just stuck in my head. Every girl I dated seriously fell victim to this obsessiveness. I wanted to know every guy they had ever been with and how big each guy was. A totally fucked up way of thinking but I could not rest until I knew. You can imagine how it effected my relationships. I have lost so much because I obsess. The 3 woman I dated seriously all got this drill and it was a repetitive drill, I asked over and over looking for a different answer. I made my last girlfriend write it out, 4 times??? The hell I put them through, the suffering I experienced in the process and the beautiful relationships, with woman who I still love to this day, were crushed under this obsessive thought process. I was that insecure and today I sit with such regret. This is only one of my obsessive behaviors, there are hundreds of others but I thought to keep this penis specific.

I often wonder if I am alone in these thought patterns. I see all the importance that is put into "the big penis", all the adds, all the products, all the google click trough's (between 450 and 850 thousand a month!), all the big dick porn, it is just a massive sexual epidemic. Is it safe to say I am not alone? Do you guys obsess like me? Do you drill your partner with endless questions about their past? Do you make your partner suffer for things she did in her past? Are you worried about your penis size and how you compare to her past? So many questions and the answers will only be silent as no one wants to admit this. God, I am constantly searching for the answer to my obsessiveness but it just seems to grow with time.

The name given to this type of thinking, particularly when you answered yes to any of the last questions, is O.C.D. acronym for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In the latter case, a repetitive thought that skips in your brain and until you physically do something the thought remains on skip. More typical o.c.d. behavior is the washing of the hands in response to a repetitive thought that they are dirty. With the male and his penis this process is not unlike the last sentence as the thought on skip is penis size the compulsion can manifest itself in many forms: Porn, questioning our partner, penis enlargement, etc. The focus that is put on this is minimal, I may be the only person addressing this level of o.c.d., but focus is manly on the compulsion. This is where our solution is, isn't it? Do the thoughts on your penis change after you compulse in your own way? Do your penis size issues lessen when you look on the internet to compare yourself? After you find the answers to your partners past, is it over or do you go deeper, and start to wonder if you were told the truth in the first place. Kind of scary.

I can tell you that I went through and still go through all of the above. This obviously had little to do with my actual size as I started my penis enlargement quest at about 6" and today I'm bout 10", this is why the disorder is clever. The lies it gets you to believe are completely self destructive and many men fall right into these patterns. For a very long time I would obsessively measure my penis (and everything else in the house) these compulsions took hours sometimes and it would leave me so much more debilitated after I finally gave up. And this is exactly what compulsion part of o.c.d. is, doing a physical act over and over until you feel like you figured it out. Many times you can't figure it out and this is basically a compulsion until you give up. It seems so sad until many men realize they do this in their own secret way. I constantly ponder the question, who is like me.

One very unusual quality to this though/act process is no matter how deep I submerge myself in a form of o.c.d., how quickly I can make a cognitive change after I had lost the thing I loved most, my partner. Regret is a very strange thing, it is always a day late but when it comes it moves in and takes over your life for an undetermined amount of time. My last girlfriend left me, over penis issues, 13 months ago but I still live in the most regretful state. I am constantly making myself relive each and every negative moment of my relationship with Jen. When I really thought about the moments when things wore worse for Jen I recalled things centered around my penis (or some form of penis anxiety). Such importance I put on it, even outside my job which is all about penis, but so many times when we would have sex and I was so fucking concerned with some facet of penis insecurity. I could not make a separation between sex and dick, and I was completely blind to any of this. It was not until I got Jennifer's last letter did I realize how bad I was. What a crushing wake up call to be all alone with such regret. It was very difficult for me to start working again (God bless your guys who pulled us through) but every time I even thought about penis I relived my regretful past. I had become the most popular name in penis enlargement right about the time Jen left. What a sour victory. I knew I had to get back to work but I really questioned in what capacity. I had created a online penis enlargement program that was perfect by all standards. Even my biggest adversaries still hold my site as the best. I went on to create the world's first penis enlargement DVD which was an instant success. It seemed every thing I wanted so badly came at a time that my o.c.d. ended another relationship based on penis issues. At first I felt like giving it up but I thought different. I had so many conversations with friends online that gave me such heart felt advice that I needed to make a separation between my job and my life.

My biggest change in what I focus on today is the mental side of penis enlargement. It's effect on relationships. How penis issues effect the populous. When I think of this I see a very equal voice in the female population. I know penis issues affected my girl friend and I spend much of my time researching these issues. I think penis enlargement, in it's manual way, is as perfect as it can be. So why go on? The mental portion, it's destructive nature, comprehending these issues and addressing them so other do not fall victim to this. The penis is very, very simple and there really is no debate (unless someone wants to debate:)) it can be made bigger through natural penis enlargement...thousands of men practice this everyday. I just have seen patterns, like my own, emerge out of men who have increased the size of their penis. I counsel more men on the mental side of this practice more than the physical. The exercises are clear, concise, available on video, fool proof, that is easy but the part so many neglect are the underlying issues most men have with size. Issues that do not get better with an increase of size. I have run into this enough to know that it is not a few isolated guys, this was an epidemic. Even for men who never heard about penis enlargement, so many men who would benefit from doing some mental penis enlargement. A phrase I coined the minute I realized PE was going to be my life. Many problems arose immediately. I knew Jen had many callers, at the size I started with I was convinced, plus she told me, she was with some big men. I dismissed this for the most part as I thought I could do nothing about it. Once I realized I could do something about it her past opened up again. Then I went o.c.d. on penis enlargement and created a very good space on the internet with thousands of members. I spent 4 years developing exercise, one better than the next, exercises that are a staple in every serious PE'er. I had spent little time on the mental side of this game and submerged myself in the physical side. I only thought with my penis and the bigger I made it the more it ruled my life. This was great for the guys as I came to the table with exercise after exercise for a long time. Today I still drop exercises but I am not as active in that part of Matters of Size. I spend much of my work time on articles like this. I realize my BLOG is not that important to too many but I have seen many times when I dropped a new exercise that never even got a reply by months later, years sometimes, someone bumps it and it becomes a craze. I just feel the the mental side of the penis needs to be addressed in a purely honest way. We see pictures, here about size polls, maybe even read about it in some woman's magazine but in a blunt, brutally honest way men need to address, confront and change the way they see themselves in relation to self-view and the effect this has on our relationships. Some day people will find this info and say "fuck that guy was crazy."

The BLOG actually became the place I spent most of my time. It allowed me to capture many thoughts as I was actually going through the process, in a quite, almost private way. I am told we get hits to the BLOG but perhaps many are too timid to reply. I also have to consider that maybe these issues are not as big of a deal as I think but FUCK when I hear there are 850,000 searches for "Penis Enlargement" this does not include any of the words or phrases around the penis: ie: dick, cock, big penis, etc. I have to think there is at least a problem, one that is not solved by penis enlargement alone or maybe, at all. When I think of how little study was done around that phrase alone, "penis Enlargement" I was blown away. Shouldn't we have known about this 10 years ago? It is such an under-studied science that that people who emerge as an authority are more than likely a plumber or granddad, anyone. Doctors have absolutely no insight aside from the few I have met in these penis enlargement forums. I don't think any of them would give penis enlargement as a prescription, although they completely endorsed it under faceless screen names.

As far as exercise development my focus has gone into the rest of the body. My work has focused on the penis but I have found that when the rest of the body is addressed the penis naturally gets bigger visually and erection quality is much greater, adding to a better size. I have developed a few exercises based completely on the penis but I am slow to release them as I am not sure where they will be best uploaded. Much of the exercises combine mantras, deep meditation and alpha state with a new approach to exercises. I am convinced that this approach to penis enlargement as a whole is smarter than any other way but it is still unavailable. Making the penis bigger and making the mind bigger would give so many the confidence they seek, even if it is an underlying emotion.

I think it needs to become practice with men joining my site to give a reason for their quest, A REAL REASON...I don't think many would be honest. Perhaps a lie detector test? Who knows but it would make this whole business come full circle. With so many joining my site and the small amount I am actually able to address I really wonder how many leave with bigger problems than before.