The Pain of the Past and How it Haunts us Today

I can't believe I have never done a blog on this subject as it is one of the biggest reasons men get in penis enlargement (PE). In a man's past, even during the years of his early puberty, he may have been made fun of by boys in the locker room for having a small penis. Maybe he was laughed at by a girl he was with about his penis. I have even heard of some boys growing up being made fun of by their families. This does not stop with verbal abuse either. Many men judge themselves, internally, about men they have seen undressing, in porn, in the locker room, etc. They may think these guys look big compared to themselves, they may feel as though they will never live up to sex because of these things they have saw. All of this, and more, accumulates in the male mind and it contributes to the insecurities of new relationships. On a completely non-sexual note, much of this ridicule hurts a man's ability to hold a job, go out with friends, stick up for himself, and a million other parts of the male psyche that prevent a man to partake in normal, healthy life.

I can relate on two levels. First, before I became involved with PE I felt as though my penis was big. Not huge, but big. This gave me great confidence. I was a master of sex, I loved making love to women. I advanced in my work life. At the time I was a sales man and I sold more than any of my competitors. I made great money. I had a house, three luxury cars, the finest clothes, I was living the life of a confident man. The only time I got a strange opinion on my penis was from a stripper I slept with. She said that my penis was big but she knew a guy who was much larger. This kind of bothered me but at the time I knew I could do nothing about the size of my penis so I never let it effect me too much. Out of the more than 100 women I had sex with she was the only one who made a comment to that effect so it was easy to brush off. I thought "well if she said my penis is big but there is someone bigger then I still am big" I took it as a complement of sorts.

My penis confidence followed me through life in almost everything I did. I had a six and a half inch penis and my girth was average (perhaps a bit under). This confidence brought me to some of the best rewards of my life. PENIS CONFIDENCE RULES!

A few years after sleeping with that stripper, I met another girl who was a stripper also. She seemed different though, she was exactly the type of woman I wanted, she was perfect. She confided in me and told me she was with 3 other guys besides me. She also told me I was, by far, she told me my penis was the biggest. This made everything perfect. She was exactly what I wanted.

As time progressed in our relationship she got a healthy dose of conscious and started to come clean with things she had lied to me about. That nightmarish evening brought so much pain it was unbearable. She told me that she did not sleep with 3 guys, she slept with 10. Pretty soon this number slowly went up to a grand total of 107 men and women. She also told me that she lied about me being the biggest, she told me there were two men larger. One she told me was much longer than me but unusually thin. The other, she said was longer and thicker than me. This had my head spinning. I was fucked up. I had no clue how to handle this but like most men I handled it VERY WRONG.

My relationship with her slowly decayed. I allowed these admissions from her to make me a monster. I became controlling, jealous, and insecure. I loved her but I was allowing her past to destroy me. I never realized that her past meant nothing to her. Just like myself, the present is the part of life that is real. The past could, somehow, be a dream. NOTHING...I only believed she compared me on every level to her past. SO FUCKING STUPID! This lesson is one every man needs to learn. If a woman is with you and she loves you, her past does not exist. The only thing that matters to her is the present. I allowed my life to go down the drain.

I started to become more and more agoraphobic (fear of leaving the house). I became obsessed with my penis. I became mechanical in sex only making love in positions that would hide my penis from her. I became fat and my lack of leaving the house made me pale and sickly looking. I started to avoid sleeping with her in our bed and I started to sleep on the couch. I loved her so fucking much but all I could do was push her away because of her past and this is exactly what eventually happened...she left and never looked back.

The trauma I felt because of the complete situation I had gone through crippled me. My mental problems became massive. I had OCD, ADD, and every other disorder classified by letters. My bi-polar disease became very active and I first went through a year long mania where I spent every penny I had, destroyed my home, gave away my possessions, lost friends and countless other things that damaged my life in a monumental way. Even today I am trying to repair the hell of my past. Soon after my mania faded I sunk into a long depression. I paced my apartment (or what was left of it) for weeks on end. I became increasingly unhealthy and I was completely cut off from the world. I was able to continue helping men on the Matters of Size site but this was only because the help these men needed was exactly the hell I was surviving.

Matters of Size started about 1 year into my relationship with this woman and it is obvious why. I first started PE using a site I found online. It was some type of backdoor to a penis enlargement site. The text I read was very basic and direct. I believed some of it but most of it I thought to be bullshit. After a few weeks, then months of training with penis enlargement my penis became larger. She even noticed my increase. This sparked my interest in PE and I dug deeper into the internet. I eventually came across a forum that had a few hundred men that were similar to me. By the time I joined this forum I had already created my own PE routine using exercises I created. I had made a 2" gain in length and an inch in girth. I remembered that the backdoor site I found said that if I did not gain 4" in length and 2" in girth in my first year then I was a failure. I first posted on the board looking for help with the unacceptable growth of my penis. I quickly found out that my gains were unprecedented, I had made gains that this forum found hard to believe. Most men, at the time, made gains of like 1/4 inch in length in a year and they were happy about it. I felt like an outcast but at the same time 100's of these men were asking how I did it. I posted the routine I was using, describing the exercises I created and this is how things started with Matters of Size. Pretty soon many of these men were making gains similar to mine. I continued to push the envelope and create more and more exercises to the point I had enough to start a site. I eventually did this and became a very big success. My success came a few months after Jen had left me.

All during my first few years in PE I suffered from all the insecurities I created around my girl's past. Even after she left these insecurities became worse. I felt just like the boy who was made fun of by a nasty girl about his penis size. I allowed this pain to linger for months and months before attacking it. I had not looked at my penis in a mirror for a long time. I would avoid any view of my penis as I would see it and start obsessing about it for hours. I had no idea that every time I did this my issues got worse but I was uneducated to this type of mental disorder.

I remember the day I said FUCK THIS! It hit me in the face like a ton of cock:) I realized I had become a man that was nothing like the confident person of my past. I had realized that I allowed my silly insecurities to drive off the best woman I had ever had. I realized my life had become a 10 x 8 room absent of human life. I remember how I denied my own child of time he needed to badly because I was giving all of my time to suffering. I had realized many things and I hated what I saw.

I also realized that having a bigger penis, much bigger than anyone my ex-girl had ever had, did nothing to change these problems. I had a gigantic penis but I had miniscule confidence. Even though thousands of men looked at my pictures and could not believe how large my penis was, I could not accept the compliments. I believed I was a failure. I would give away the gains I have made to get the woman I love back...unfortunately neither of these things are likely to happen today.

What could I do? Well, I increasingly realized that not only did I feel this way, thousands of other men felt this way. They suffered in some degree to the pains of their past. They allowed a past comment or vision destroy their self confidence. Just like what I did for penis enlargement I needed to do for mind enlargement. I knew that if I wanted to help myself I had to help these men. I dedicated almost all of my time, after Jen's departure, to mental penis enlargement. This was a phrase I coined covering the gap of physical penis size and mental penis size.

Some men had a small penis, they were ridiculed for it, they somehow endured this and found PE. Other guys were more like me and had a situation that destroyed the confidence they always had, some men were massive in the pants but still suffered with self degradation. I knew this was the main problem in male sexuality, not penis size. Of course, any of us would kill for a bigger cock and when this did happen for guys many of them saw it as a bitter sweet victory. Just changing their penis did not satisfy the desires they needed so badly...to eliminate the pains of their past and to realize they now had a large penis and a large mind.

A typical story along these lines is this one. I have changed the names for obvious reasons.

Hello DLD,

My name is Brian and I have a few things to ask you. Sorry about my English, it is my second language. When I was a teen I had a day when I was able to have sex with 3 women at once. I was with 2 friends of mine and they both were going to help me. When it came time to pull my hard penis out I did so. The 2 other friends pulled their penis out too. They wer much larger than me. They made me look so small. I felt so hot and wanted to run. When the girls saw my penis they laughed at it. They told me I was tiny. I felt so sick in my tummy. I thought I was going to cry. My body was so hot and I made up an excuse to leave the room. This was the 1 time I tried to did sex and after this time I had problems forever. I have avoided being in sex or even friends with women. I finally found a woman who has been my girlfriend for a bit of time. I love her and she loves me. We have not had sex yet but I tell her that we should wait for sex to make it better grand. This is a big lie from me. I keep waiting because I think she will laugh and leave as it was with the girls in that time who laughed at me. I found your site and I am hopeful but I also am scared it is not work and I will waste time in your program. Dos your penis enhancement work? I know that a bigger man penis would make me happy to my best. I knoew that I will forget about those very bad ladies who had laughing at my penis. I am about 5 inches long and I am not sure how to measure this girth but my fatness seems ok. If I had this 9 inch penis I have heard and saw on movies, I would be happy and able to have love with my girl. Can you help me in doing these things?

Thank you mr.guru

briAn


This letter is heartbreaking! It shows a pain and struggle that is more difficult than every other insecurity men will ever face. These stories make me cry, I feel so empathetic and sympathetic because I have lived them myself millions of times over, I have felt these stories through the endless email, phone calls, private messages and letters I receive. This problem is an epidemic. An epidemic that is more destructive than most cancers! The psychological impact of a simple word like "small" from the right person can literally cripple a mans ability to live a happy, healthy life.

I wish that insurance covered these things but sadly the penis is a bad, bad thing and should not be talked about or thought about at all. What fucked up beings we are to classify a penis in the group of shame when we classify our minds in the realm of pride. If we have any faith that we have been put here from some type of God then I truly know that God would weep at the shame we direct at the penis, as a universal people, that allow it to degrade the male psyche!

Changing these things in our self requires a balance so precise it is rarely met by men who pursue PE. The balance is PHYSICAL and MENTAL and it follows an identical need for enlargement. Lets look at things this way, just for laughs. My mind is 4", way below the average mind of 5", this has bothered me for some time. A girl even laughed at my mind, when I was 16, telling me I was soooo small in thought. This type of abuse happens to me all the time. My mind seems so small that I am scared for anyone to see it. I would kill to have 3 more inches of mind. I know this would make me happy.

Take out mind and snap in penis. We have the balance I speak of. Enlarging the mind whilst the body on equal levels will produce the penis (mind) you have always wanted (needed).

Time is a funny thing. I could be trivial and say "Time is an illusion" but this does not explain my view of time within this post. In the understanding of this post we must view time as a three part entity; PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE. This seems obvious but it really is not. This entity of time is mixed up. It believes that the PAST is the PRESENT and the FUTURE is the PAST. Follow me now. PAST is the PRESENT: The men who allow the pains, sufferings, humiliations and ridicule of their past dictate their present, they are living in the PAST. So why is the FUTURE is the PAST? The man who lives this type of life can only see his future as repeating his past. I hope you understand what I am saying as this does not only apply to the dick.

Acceptance and living in the moment helps me avoid allowing yesterdays disappointments from interrupting my the present happiness I feel. When I live in the moment every thing is OK. I can do anything in the moment and I now realize that each moment I take full advantage of will change my future. I stand in front of the mirror and this is my present. I see a man, he has parts I like and others I loath. He is tall enough, his face is unique with blue eyes and thickish lips. His nose looks to be broken a few times, this is a good thing. His body is fine. My body gets bigger and thinner, muscular and pudgy, but it is always consistent *sarcasm*...Laugh now!:) My eyes see all parts of this reflection but the region of male sexuality. I finally get up the courage to look and I see a penis. THIS IS IMPORTANT! Sometimes I would see a big penis, sometimes it really made no difference and sometimes I looked small. Within that sentence alone we see a contradiction of the things. If I can look at my penis in the mirror and see 3 completely different versions of it then I can't completely trust my mind. This may be a mental dysfunction that is the difference between seeing who we truly are or seeing a mentally defective, self delusional version of who we are.

We start to realize that we can't completely trust our eyes. We can never be completely sure that what we see is real or trickery. As time passes this gap widens. We now cannot tell if a stunt in a movie is real or fake. How are we expected to believe pictures on the internet, movies on the internet? There is computer software now that can change video, there is programs that can edit a photograph to be whatever the artist chooses to show. Our eyes even become deceived by a magician at a school talent show.

Every image we see, lately, is questionable. In the 70's if you saw something it was real. Photo, video or even sketches (human trust) were accepted as being real. The Lock-Ness Monster, The Ice Man, The Big Foot, they all existed and were rarely doubted...these images were real. At the time we could not calculate who believed these things but our imagination, hopes and faith conjured up beliefs of optimism. The internet really strips us of mystery and reality discovery. If we want to know how big the biggest penis is we simply go to Google and search for it. We will get back 140,000 results on the topic. The first 10 sites in the list get clicked on and the viewer believes their claims. Site 1.) The biggest penis is 16"...Site 2.) The biggest penis on record is mine, 10.5 inches...Site 3.) The biggest penis on record is 9"...and each site down the list gives their opinion of the question. We, now, in the 2000's, know that we can find the answer to every possible question by searching the internet. We may surmise that the largest penis was 10" and this is what we will set to memory forever. The thing I am stressing here is that in the 1970's we never knew for sure. This lack of knowledge allowed our minds to venture,blindly into imagination to truly know (and believe) the answer. The only breasts I knew, for sure, were ones I saw in a 1979 Playboy. When I first saw real boobies, this image I had seen, in that Playboy, was the standard of my beliefs and I judged all women by it. I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS A VARIETY OF BOOBS AS BROAD AS I NOW SEE ON THE INTERNET! Today boobs are in billions of viewable varieties.

Today we have options. We no longer need imagination, someone only needs to type a phrase in the search engines and surf the results. The things we see now, online, show us what life is (even if it is in 2 million ways) we see life as we believe it should be and we hold ourselves to those standards. In the 70's the only standard you had with male sexuality was a peak at your Pop's or a glimpse of a dirty magazine. Things have changed so much. They seem as though they have gotten better but in so many ways they seem to have gotten worse (less valuable). There is a generational gap that is wider than Evil Knievel's most dangerous jumps. We have gone from imagination to complete understanding (or so we think). We are starting to lose the ability to imagine things within ourselves to worshipping a computer that instantly shows us what is {REAL}. Is it real?

In 1972 we did not have Photoshop. We had reality. We did not have Final Cut Pro, If we witnessed a 10" penis in person or through video or photography we believed it was real. It had to be real...we saw it right in front of our eyes. Adobe did not exist. Silicon was used more for lubrication than is was for education. We had to have an imagination. For the most part, we guessed what a big penis was and held ourselves to those self realizations. Things rarely became confusing. We only fell off course when we saw a John Holmes film:)

Today we hear the nastiness of our past and allow it to destroy our present. Looking, to see, the average size of a penis by watching a Mandingo film would be one of the things we do to destroy ourselves. We are never willing to accept the reality, we choose to accept popular web pages. So many guys come to me and say that they have a small, 5", penis. When I tell them that most men have a 5" penis they do not believe me. After all, Mandingo has 10".

When a scale is created with percentages it reflects the average finality through a fair cross section of participants. When we hear that 90% of men fall between 5 and 6 inches...we need to trust that the scaling system is fair and correct. I can tell you that the scaling system is fair and correct. With a total balance of all surveys, online, about penis size (including the Kinsey Report) and every other reputable penis size survey, we see a definite trend of average penis size. Between all studies I have averaged, average penis size is 5.1886" in bone pressed length and 4.79992 inches in circumference girth. Men who are above these measurements are considered "above average" those who fall below are considered "small" not quite fair, huh? Anyway, just allowing men to know what average size is, size that belongs to 90% of the men in the world, 5" inches in length and 4.7 inches in girth (average) should help 90% of those reading to see that they are not small, they are at or above average.

Some men may never see the "average size" as being acceptable to them as they fall below average. This is OK and you are not much different than those men who are at or above average...you all suffer from a mind dysfunction, not a penile one.

I say this as making the penis bigger is SIMPLE. It is so simple that most men will never try it. Men will see their penis as being just as their arm, never believing that if they stretched it, it would grow. I can get really technical and explain things like some boring urologist or I can keep it, DLD, simple. A penis has no bones. There is no permanent, unchangeable structure in the penis. It is medically known (and practiced medically) that a.)skin, b.)vascular entities c.)bodily tissue and muscle can easily be elongated and thickened through external (and internal) manual efforts. Simply put, the penis is a flesh bag with some veins, blood, skin and tissue. All of these things are stretchable and the fact that the penis engorges in blood naturally during an erection tells us that the penis can easily be increased in width, girth and circumference.

Penis enlargement is EASY. Let us never compare this type of advancement to that of those who suffer from the mental dysfunction I call PDD (penis dysmorphic disease). Those who suffer from PDD will never completely be satisfied with PE gains until they have changed their mental gains.

Lets face it, people will be cruel, even honest, but when someone makes a comment about you it is """THEIR"""" opinion, not the world's. Judging yourself by a situation or two that was unpleasant and possibly degrading, does not dictate your future.

Check this; A guy meets a chick and asks her to come to his place. She agrees and when she arrives sex ensues. She states that his cock is small. He has never heard this but she just said it so it must be true. She leaves and he never sees her again. He tries to date again. He gets the chance to fuck this 23 year old college student and when it comes time for sex he can't get an erection. He is so consumed by the haunting of his past that he has allowed it to be his present. Even if the chick had been with a 2" guy that she believed was gigantic, and saw him as a massive monster, it did not matter. He has decided that he was small based on .0000000000000001 % of the populations opinion.

This type of confusion is omni-present in male, sexual enlargement. Men never know what big is, they never know what small is...hell, many of these these guys never know how many balls they should have.:) The most basic way I can give advice on a mental and physical level is this: (remember that I am being COMPLETELY HONEST!) Making your penis larger is simple so being "too small" does not mean anything. If you are too small do the exercises and get big. To those guys who sit on the fence of big and small...JUMP OFF> >>> If you are on the fence it means that you are undecided. All you need to do is decide to change your life and be willing to do the work, both mental and physical, to get what you want.

Make your dicks bigger. You can do it for free, just read my BLOG or surf my free forum. You will find everything you need to know to make it happen. if you can afford it join my $49.95 lifetime members site and I will give you my program. You will see my exercises and routines, the very ones that built my website and gave me length and girth beyond reality! You will learn what you need to to get larger balls, a bigger head, a thicker shaft, stronger erections, more vascularity, I can give you the cock of your dreams. You will see me on video showing you step by step how to do the exercises correctly and I will hear me describe everything I am doing. But I will never start or stop with that. You will also gain access to my mental penis enlargement archives giving you the information you need to enlarge both your mind and penis giving you the best chance of changing your past and creating a future of confidence and sexual prowess.

If you want a larger penis and you are suffering from the pains of your past you need to open up space in your damaged mind and allow yourself to create the man you have always wanted to be. PE is easy, sync up your emotions to this and create a perfect self. You were never small, nor will you ever be big...these terms are relative and judgmental, they cause destructive issues. You are a intelligent, thinking man with a penis. If you choose to make yourself better than follow this threads message. When your mind becomes HUGE so will your penis will follow suit.