Women, Men and Intimacy

What a mystery the sexes are. Men believe they know what women want while women think men should know what they want. Men and women are very different in the realm of sexuality. Women are usually more interested in intimacy than in sex itself. Most women would say that the time before the act of intercourse is the time they find pleasure in most. This time, better known as foreplay, is usually seen as unimportant to a man.

I had the opportunity to interview a couple about their sex life. I have changed their names for anonymity. "If men only knew" Karen said as she described how her relationships have always been unsatisfying. She went on to tell me how resentful she became towards her current boyfriend, Randy, because he always rushes directly into intercourse. I had the opportunity to speak with Randy and he told me that he believed their sex life was great. He stated, "She always has an orgasm and I know she loves that" I then asked him what their foreplay consisted of and he quickly told me that he would kiss her and play with her breasts for a couple of minutes and then start intercourse. To me, this hardly seemed to be foreplay but it is what most men consider it to be.

There is an obvious gap in understanding between the couple above. Communication is the single biggest reason that relationships fail. This article is directed towards sexuality but the lesson runs much deeper and will touch on all parts of the relationship. As seen with Karen and Randy, a lack of communication is a very big problem, potential fatal to their relationship. If two people expect to live a life together they need to know what the other person feels and thinks. When assumptions are made people tend to be completely wrong and make poor decisions based on their 'mind reading skills.'

Imagine if Randy and Karen sat down and had a discussion about their sex life. If they were open and honest about their bedroom life they would change their relationship, for the better, 10 times over. Karen is making the assumption that Randy should know what she wants in bed and Randy assumes that Karen is completely satisfied. This lack in communication puts a complete imbalance between the male and female roll. Randy is happy, Karen is miserable. Both could be happy and satisfied if they only knew what the other wanted.

A feeling of intimacy takes time to develop in a relationship and then in bed. Women take their time with a relationship. Women enjoy the progression of getting to know the man. Becoming friends, touching, kissing, hugging and showing affection is all part of a women's needs. Women like to feel love before making love.

Men, often feel the pressure to show a woman how well he performs in the bed. To the man, the actual act of intercourse is sex. He sees touching, kissing, hugging as being a waste of time. These things are considered weak because most male discussions about sex focus on the act of intercourse. You will rarely hear a man say to another man "Wow, sex was great last night, my wife and I kissed and hugged for hours" This will just not happen. Plus, as I said above, men are flying blindly as their companions usually never let them know what they want. Again, a huge lack of communication.

SItting down and having a deep, possibly insecure, conversation about sex is very important. Most people will avoid this out of insecurity about what they "may" hear from their mate. I guaranty you that if you have a heart to heart with your mate you will educate yourself to the things that are important to your mate. For most men, the love they feel for their mate is intense. They never want to imagine life without their mate and this is the biggest reason openness and honesty in communication in imperative.

Armed with an education of out mates turn ons allows us to not only fulfill their desires but fulfill our own desires to be the best lover we can. Nothing is better then making a women cum based on a total understanding of her needs. Intercourse lasts for such a brief amount of time but when we include foreplay, on a level that women desire most, we realize that sex can be so much more than we ever knew.

Another incredible side effect of engaging in foreplay is a way of men to last longer in the sack. A woman sees foreplay as sex therefore the time you spend on foreplay adds up to the total lasting power that all men want. Even if you only last 2 minutes during intercourse, it is the 20 minutes you give to foreplay that women will remember. Give is a shot and I guarantee your relationship will become so much more satisfying.