toshiro
11-12-06, 03:54 AM
Hi, i'm writing from my new living room in a nice apartment i just moved in and i got this problem, i'll just outline what happened in the last 5 months in a long story cut short.
I was arrested nearly four years ago for bringing weed into Japan and completed a 3 year bid. As i got out, in june this year, i started getting back on my feet and let the sexual hiatus help me with my confidence, i think the term is "non-sexual confidence", but as i was quite buff and ripped due to all the workout i did in jail, women were fatally attracted by the coldness that was inside me. But i had this wonderful woman who has waited for me all this time, taking care of our web operations and keeping in touch, coming to visit me all the way to shaolin from across the world, and basically showing me that she was not going to leave me. Problem being, at the time i steppped out these iron doors, she was in NY for business and was trying to get me out of the country when i had prepared my whole "getting back on one's feet" program in France. Due to that, a certain ammount of tension rose between us and to top it off, she sent one of her friends (later on that) while i was still in to visit me. This girl, as any other who hears about you being a cool, confident and well built guy, became attracted to me through our illegal phone conversations, her out there and me behind bars.
This was the starting point of a spiral that leaded to my current head fuck.
Everything has been going smooth with my life, and my sexual appetite was growing big time as my new found freedom came with all kinds of perfumes and sights of the beatiful women of Paris.
After my first month out, i hooked up with this marrocan girl who had an ass that could swallow any kind of dick and started banging her everywhere. She loved the whole mystic of being with a man who was denied sex for so long and she was well being satisfied. During that time, my official woman's friend started to call me more and invite me to go around, concerts, restaurant, movies, etc.
I knew that going with my gf's friend was just not good for my own relation so i kept the whole idea at bay.
But my situation with my girl was worsening and i was working two jobs, meeting new people and accelerating in my life for all that time of stillness. And i was getting more female numbers in my celly as my ways were icy-cold, but the girls just love that in a man. This half black chick was having a headache trying to get me and one night we talked until 6 in the morning when she litterally jumped on me and begged me to fuck her. I knew what i was doing.
A month ago, my gf's friend asks me out to catch up, and i just got the news that i was granted a conditional release (as i was still in a halfway house).
So we met at the champs elysees and started our night drinking and talking more intimately than usual, laughing, joking, just complimenting each other on our own successes. We dropped going to the movies though i had the tickets and switched places from restaurant to bar, and fatally there we had a click and kissed. That's when i knew somehow that we'd fit though i denied it to myself for a good 6 months.
But i kept my cool ways and told her i'll see her another time, got her a cab and sent her home.
From then, the next day, she sent me txt messages and i let myself get into it by sending sexually oriented but clean messages and all, it was a game for me and i didn't have to hurt anyone, including my gf to whom i explained that she couldn't expect me to stay androgenous after 3 years of batman therapy.
So days went, work was heavy, and i was starting to like my gf's friend more, but by then they weren't speaking to each other, one calling the other a slut and the second one telling me stories of my first doing shit while i was in jail.
I was smart enough to know that certain fatal physical attractions can take place on my gf's part knowing how she looks and that in especially sad moments of her life, with her man behind bars, she might have had vulnerabilities and gotten a one night stand with some odd joe who she wouldn't consider much, after "comparing to me" as she so eloquently formulates.
But the matter at hand is that i was getting attracted to this girl who happened to be younger, fresh, outgoing, positive and very intelligent. The type of girl you can hang out with, have great uninhibited sex with and spend a day just chilling or go clubbing and wild out. And i was starting to loose myself in it, having the two girls in my head, when i'm more of the laid-back, one girl is enough for me type (give or take little hat tricks here and there).
So now it's been my fourth week with girl two, and things are shifting, i'm appreciating girl one more, as we chat more on the net and she's knows me better, while my patience for the other is waning because our personalities, our needs and expectations don't coincide.
I'm not that big (7 1/4" for nearly 6") but i know how to use my thing, and the girls are totally satisfied with it. And sex with girl two, while being satisfying, is not really what i expected as she gets what she wants then falls on the side, as if she was the dude in the affair, and i'm left there with a boner or she lets me finish, but she does too much to end it and it just don't feel right. I want her to learn to enjoy long nights in bed instead of just reaching for climax and hit the sack.
Girl one knows i had a fling with girl two, but was understanding though she left a nasty msg on girl two's myspace. Girl two is extremely busy, has loads of friends, and expects me to help her out with her own problems. I left several other girls for number two as i thought sex with her would be enough for me, but as our work schedules don't really match, i'm left sometimes getting frustrated (what happened to my ability to hold myself for a long period?) and in the end wondering wtf to do, revert to the celly for booty calls, or just stay clean and wait for the right time to enjoy full blown sex with girl two. We're supposed to have a little time together at the beach in the south of thailand for that.
While girl one stays my soulmate, the one i feel for and love for being the light that gives purpose to my actions.
See, it's the game you play with women, tug of war, attraction repulsion that keeps your mind sharp, but sometimes, when you're already loaded with lots of responsibilities in your jobs, and still convalescing from years of criminal confinement, you tend to forget the essential, which is to enjoy simple things, your freedom, and go on with what you've always loved to do in your profession.
Holding different chicks in check is a very stimulating experience, and i've had that at different periods of my life (5 was the maximum i could go with). But at age 28, i feel like i want to settle with someone and just enjoy the unconditional love of one woman with who you can perfectly picture yourself having a kid with.
And one adage i like and keep reminding myself:
"never put a rooster in a hen's shack, it'll always come out stripped of feathers".
It's messed up but maybe some feedback from y'all can clear this could over my head cuz for right now, as of today, it's too dark to see tomorrow.
I was arrested nearly four years ago for bringing weed into Japan and completed a 3 year bid. As i got out, in june this year, i started getting back on my feet and let the sexual hiatus help me with my confidence, i think the term is "non-sexual confidence", but as i was quite buff and ripped due to all the workout i did in jail, women were fatally attracted by the coldness that was inside me. But i had this wonderful woman who has waited for me all this time, taking care of our web operations and keeping in touch, coming to visit me all the way to shaolin from across the world, and basically showing me that she was not going to leave me. Problem being, at the time i steppped out these iron doors, she was in NY for business and was trying to get me out of the country when i had prepared my whole "getting back on one's feet" program in France. Due to that, a certain ammount of tension rose between us and to top it off, she sent one of her friends (later on that) while i was still in to visit me. This girl, as any other who hears about you being a cool, confident and well built guy, became attracted to me through our illegal phone conversations, her out there and me behind bars.
This was the starting point of a spiral that leaded to my current head fuck.
Everything has been going smooth with my life, and my sexual appetite was growing big time as my new found freedom came with all kinds of perfumes and sights of the beatiful women of Paris.
After my first month out, i hooked up with this marrocan girl who had an ass that could swallow any kind of dick and started banging her everywhere. She loved the whole mystic of being with a man who was denied sex for so long and she was well being satisfied. During that time, my official woman's friend started to call me more and invite me to go around, concerts, restaurant, movies, etc.
I knew that going with my gf's friend was just not good for my own relation so i kept the whole idea at bay.
But my situation with my girl was worsening and i was working two jobs, meeting new people and accelerating in my life for all that time of stillness. And i was getting more female numbers in my celly as my ways were icy-cold, but the girls just love that in a man. This half black chick was having a headache trying to get me and one night we talked until 6 in the morning when she litterally jumped on me and begged me to fuck her. I knew what i was doing.
A month ago, my gf's friend asks me out to catch up, and i just got the news that i was granted a conditional release (as i was still in a halfway house).
So we met at the champs elysees and started our night drinking and talking more intimately than usual, laughing, joking, just complimenting each other on our own successes. We dropped going to the movies though i had the tickets and switched places from restaurant to bar, and fatally there we had a click and kissed. That's when i knew somehow that we'd fit though i denied it to myself for a good 6 months.
But i kept my cool ways and told her i'll see her another time, got her a cab and sent her home.
From then, the next day, she sent me txt messages and i let myself get into it by sending sexually oriented but clean messages and all, it was a game for me and i didn't have to hurt anyone, including my gf to whom i explained that she couldn't expect me to stay androgenous after 3 years of batman therapy.
So days went, work was heavy, and i was starting to like my gf's friend more, but by then they weren't speaking to each other, one calling the other a slut and the second one telling me stories of my first doing shit while i was in jail.
I was smart enough to know that certain fatal physical attractions can take place on my gf's part knowing how she looks and that in especially sad moments of her life, with her man behind bars, she might have had vulnerabilities and gotten a one night stand with some odd joe who she wouldn't consider much, after "comparing to me" as she so eloquently formulates.
But the matter at hand is that i was getting attracted to this girl who happened to be younger, fresh, outgoing, positive and very intelligent. The type of girl you can hang out with, have great uninhibited sex with and spend a day just chilling or go clubbing and wild out. And i was starting to loose myself in it, having the two girls in my head, when i'm more of the laid-back, one girl is enough for me type (give or take little hat tricks here and there).
So now it's been my fourth week with girl two, and things are shifting, i'm appreciating girl one more, as we chat more on the net and she's knows me better, while my patience for the other is waning because our personalities, our needs and expectations don't coincide.
I'm not that big (7 1/4" for nearly 6") but i know how to use my thing, and the girls are totally satisfied with it. And sex with girl two, while being satisfying, is not really what i expected as she gets what she wants then falls on the side, as if she was the dude in the affair, and i'm left there with a boner or she lets me finish, but she does too much to end it and it just don't feel right. I want her to learn to enjoy long nights in bed instead of just reaching for climax and hit the sack.
Girl one knows i had a fling with girl two, but was understanding though she left a nasty msg on girl two's myspace. Girl two is extremely busy, has loads of friends, and expects me to help her out with her own problems. I left several other girls for number two as i thought sex with her would be enough for me, but as our work schedules don't really match, i'm left sometimes getting frustrated (what happened to my ability to hold myself for a long period?) and in the end wondering wtf to do, revert to the celly for booty calls, or just stay clean and wait for the right time to enjoy full blown sex with girl two. We're supposed to have a little time together at the beach in the south of thailand for that.
While girl one stays my soulmate, the one i feel for and love for being the light that gives purpose to my actions.
See, it's the game you play with women, tug of war, attraction repulsion that keeps your mind sharp, but sometimes, when you're already loaded with lots of responsibilities in your jobs, and still convalescing from years of criminal confinement, you tend to forget the essential, which is to enjoy simple things, your freedom, and go on with what you've always loved to do in your profession.
Holding different chicks in check is a very stimulating experience, and i've had that at different periods of my life (5 was the maximum i could go with). But at age 28, i feel like i want to settle with someone and just enjoy the unconditional love of one woman with who you can perfectly picture yourself having a kid with.
And one adage i like and keep reminding myself:
"never put a rooster in a hen's shack, it'll always come out stripped of feathers".
It's messed up but maybe some feedback from y'all can clear this could over my head cuz for right now, as of today, it's too dark to see tomorrow.