Godsize
11-14-03, 10:53 AM
It was my ex-girlfriend's birthday recently. We've been broken up since July and I haven't seen her since then. For the record, I broke things off with her, but that's another story.
We recently started talking again on a friendly basis. So like I said, it was her birthday this past Monday and I was talking to her on the phone late at night. She was alone, and no one gave her any birthday cake, so... thinking with my dick, I offered to bring her some birthday cake at 3am. She had no objections to the idea, so basically this was a mutual encounter. We both kinda knew what was gonna go down that night, and we both wanted it.
So I drove over to her house in the middle of the night. It was good to see her, she looked good. We had been talking, but we haven't seen each other in almost 5 months. We had our cake...and yup, we ate it too.
The sex was really good. Nothing fancy. We only did like two different positions, but it was just some real good, real juicy down-home FUCKIN'. It was like I never left her, we just clicked. But that's the thing... the sex was always pretty good. I admit, I'd get bored and frustrated sometimes with her, but we always had great natural sexual chemistry together. We fucked till it got light out. I think she almost cried while we were going at it. Damn emotions.
I thought to myself I'm making the wrong decision, that I shouldn't fuck her... but man, my dick was rock-hard the whole drive over there in anticipation of what was to come. And I still do have feelings for her... she was probably the deepest relationship I've ever experienced. Yeah, she definitely was.
The thing is, I don't really want to be in a relationship right now. And we have a track record of breaking up and getting back together, so I know that now that since I've already fucked her again, our lives will slowly start converging more and more till we're back together, and this is not what I want to happen. I don't want to hurt her again, nor do I want to be hurt either.
I thought that fucking her again may rekindle something within me, but it hasn't really...it all feels like it was a dream. I guess I don't really feel anything because she is not completely lost to me. She's still a part of my life, in a way. So I don't feel my usual feelings of "pining" from her absence. We still keep in touch.
I'm not willing to get into another relationship at this point. I kind of like living on my own time and doing what I want... fucking who I want... we haven't had any kind of deep discussion about what went down or what it could mean, but I know there's something there, just waiting to show itself soon enough.
I want to "play the field" so to speak. My career is starting to go places I want it to go, and with it will be more girls, and more opportunities for new experiences. I don't want to pass that up. And it's not like I want to have her too along with everything else. I'm not trying to "get over". We just had a connection that night. Two old friends. Two old lovers who know how to scratch each other's itch. I hope that's where it stays.
For instance, there is a girl in my life right now(who I also used to have sex with, but we were never an item) that I would like to pursue more with. I am very attracted to her and would like to win her affections again, but if I continue to stay in touch with my ex, that will fuck things up considerably.
I don't know. I just have this feeling that my ex and I's one night of birthday sex will continue to snowball until she says, "I'm so glad we're back together honey." I do not want this to happen, but my ex is so goddamn irresistable and she oozes this sexuality that has a major effect on me. My feelings for her still run deep to this day, but I cannot be anyone's "boyfriend" right now. It wouldn't be fair to initiate things with her again, I've already hurt her many times over, and I've almost forgotten just how unhappy I was when we were together that it makes it weigh heavy on my heart.
Should I initiate some kind of dialogue with my ex girl right now, or should I just wait and make sure I don't fall into the same patterns again? I wouldn't mind being her friend at all, it's just with the sex, things could get real tangled emotionally...and not just for her, but also for me. She means too much to me to just regard her as a "fuck buddy"....there's too much history between us for that. Besides, I think she's worth more to me than just a hot, wet orifice... but I cannot give myself back to her... at least not at this point in my life.
I'm not trying to keep her on the side and lead her on. I expect her to go on living, and if she has another partner, I expect her to go on screwing him. Us getting together that night was just a mutual night of fun, yet bittersweet for the nostalgia of it all. I really did miss her, but I can't let this go any further.
We recently started talking again on a friendly basis. So like I said, it was her birthday this past Monday and I was talking to her on the phone late at night. She was alone, and no one gave her any birthday cake, so... thinking with my dick, I offered to bring her some birthday cake at 3am. She had no objections to the idea, so basically this was a mutual encounter. We both kinda knew what was gonna go down that night, and we both wanted it.
So I drove over to her house in the middle of the night. It was good to see her, she looked good. We had been talking, but we haven't seen each other in almost 5 months. We had our cake...and yup, we ate it too.
The sex was really good. Nothing fancy. We only did like two different positions, but it was just some real good, real juicy down-home FUCKIN'. It was like I never left her, we just clicked. But that's the thing... the sex was always pretty good. I admit, I'd get bored and frustrated sometimes with her, but we always had great natural sexual chemistry together. We fucked till it got light out. I think she almost cried while we were going at it. Damn emotions.
I thought to myself I'm making the wrong decision, that I shouldn't fuck her... but man, my dick was rock-hard the whole drive over there in anticipation of what was to come. And I still do have feelings for her... she was probably the deepest relationship I've ever experienced. Yeah, she definitely was.
The thing is, I don't really want to be in a relationship right now. And we have a track record of breaking up and getting back together, so I know that now that since I've already fucked her again, our lives will slowly start converging more and more till we're back together, and this is not what I want to happen. I don't want to hurt her again, nor do I want to be hurt either.
I thought that fucking her again may rekindle something within me, but it hasn't really...it all feels like it was a dream. I guess I don't really feel anything because she is not completely lost to me. She's still a part of my life, in a way. So I don't feel my usual feelings of "pining" from her absence. We still keep in touch.
I'm not willing to get into another relationship at this point. I kind of like living on my own time and doing what I want... fucking who I want... we haven't had any kind of deep discussion about what went down or what it could mean, but I know there's something there, just waiting to show itself soon enough.
I want to "play the field" so to speak. My career is starting to go places I want it to go, and with it will be more girls, and more opportunities for new experiences. I don't want to pass that up. And it's not like I want to have her too along with everything else. I'm not trying to "get over". We just had a connection that night. Two old friends. Two old lovers who know how to scratch each other's itch. I hope that's where it stays.
For instance, there is a girl in my life right now(who I also used to have sex with, but we were never an item) that I would like to pursue more with. I am very attracted to her and would like to win her affections again, but if I continue to stay in touch with my ex, that will fuck things up considerably.
I don't know. I just have this feeling that my ex and I's one night of birthday sex will continue to snowball until she says, "I'm so glad we're back together honey." I do not want this to happen, but my ex is so goddamn irresistable and she oozes this sexuality that has a major effect on me. My feelings for her still run deep to this day, but I cannot be anyone's "boyfriend" right now. It wouldn't be fair to initiate things with her again, I've already hurt her many times over, and I've almost forgotten just how unhappy I was when we were together that it makes it weigh heavy on my heart.
Should I initiate some kind of dialogue with my ex girl right now, or should I just wait and make sure I don't fall into the same patterns again? I wouldn't mind being her friend at all, it's just with the sex, things could get real tangled emotionally...and not just for her, but also for me. She means too much to me to just regard her as a "fuck buddy"....there's too much history between us for that. Besides, I think she's worth more to me than just a hot, wet orifice... but I cannot give myself back to her... at least not at this point in my life.
I'm not trying to keep her on the side and lead her on. I expect her to go on living, and if she has another partner, I expect her to go on screwing him. Us getting together that night was just a mutual night of fun, yet bittersweet for the nostalgia of it all. I really did miss her, but I can't let this go any further.