Dispelling the "Challenge Theory"

[Spektrum]

I understand that many young guys out there are just looking for a piece of ass in a relationship. This post isn't for you. This is for the average frustrated chump out there that keeps getting told he needs to be more of a challenge. It's also for the guys out there that actually want a relationship, not just a fuck buddy.

For quite some time now, players all around the world have talked about getting girls by making them chase you. This theory really pisses me off. While it might work for some, maybe most women, it does not work on those worth keeping. A deserving woman does not deserve to be played, usually realizes it, and will leave you. I've tested this theory and it holds true every time. Here are just a few examples I've personally had:

Example 1: I first started dating when I was 19, so I was a late bloomer. I knew nothing at all about women. I fell hard for that first girl and let her know it early on. We ended up in a two year+ relationship. During the first year and a half, I was not a challenge whatsoever and we had a pretty happy relationship. I wasn't clingy or needy, but I wasn't afraid to let her know where I stood with her. Unknowingly, at around the year and a half mark, I started to become a challenge. This ultimately killed our relationship. She now has a boyfriend that is the same way I was at the beginning of our relationship and is happy.

Example 2: After I broke up with my ex, I started dating again. There was a girl who was NOT worth it. She was not intelligent and was materialistic. She possessed very few qualities that people look for besides being attractive. Being the idiot I was at the time, I played the challenge game. It worked on this one, but she wasn't someone that I'd want to be with.

Example 3: I dated a nice looking blonde that I was fairly interested in. She was my type personality wise. To make a long story short, I played the challenge game and lost her.

Example 4: This brings me to my current girlfriend. She's what most people would consider a 'southern belle'. She's sweet, has a great sense of humor, and will brighten up any room she walks into. I haven't played the challenge game at all with her. I have, however, been extremely confident, funny, and charming. Have I slept with her yet? No. Have I won over what most people would consider a keeper in 2 weeks time? Yes. Will I ever get some? Yeah, but it can wait.

My point is, while it works for some women, being a challenge will not get you far with the few good women left out there. To get this kind of woman, you have to turn on the charm, make her laugh, and just be yourself. Don't be clingy or needy, but at the same time, don't leave her hanging for days on end waiting for you to call. This usually pisses them off. At the same time, do not be a wuss. Remain mysterious and intrigue them. I've found that emitting confidence, being chivalrous, and turning on the charm will win a woman over in no time. It's about time people stopped seeing love as a game to be played and started having decent relationships.

Instead of being a challenge, be something different. Make her think you are not like every other guy out there. Women love rarities, especially men and diamonds. If you're not trying to get into her pants, this usually makes you unlike most men. It might take you some time to sleep with her, but she will respect you much more. She will also be willing to let her feelings flow easier because she's not worried about being used.

As much as you straight guys don't want to hear this one, another thing to do is be sexy. Primp yourself up and dress stylish. Win her over with your body language and eye contact. Don't try and act like you're the shit, KNOW you're the shit. I don't think sexiness can be taught. If you've got it, flaunt it. If not, make up for it elsewhere.

Let's face it guys, most women today suck. If you find one of the good ones left, don't fuck it up by being a player or a pushover. Find a balance, be a man, and stick to your guns. And dammit, read DLD's article on the Alpha Male.

[Large333]

Being a challenge doesn't mean being a jerk. It sounds like you used this "challenge" attitude AFTER you got into the midst of a relationship, after all the unspoken rules about your personality were set (nice, easy going, etc.) So when you started to be a challenge and got cocky with your 3 year relationship, she naturally freaked out. She wasn't comfortable with the sudden change and was happy to seek out someone who matched who she thought you were at one time. It also sounds like this challenge mentality arose out of insecurity.

How good looking were these women you were with on a scale of 1-10? 10 being goddess. It may seem unimportant with regards to challenge, but believe me, they go hand in hand 100%. Let me know.

If you're going to be a challenge (which you do not want to be, apparently) then it has to be from the beginning - THEN, after she knows you aren't a pushover, you can relax a little.

I can't comment on the other experiences because there is not enough information. Did you act like a challenge AFTER you got into the relationships, or right from the beginning? How long did you know them, etc.? How good-looking were they?

For me, being a challenge is a lot of fun. And my standards for beauty are very high (that's not shallow, it's my preference). I've found that incredibly beautiful women REACT very well to a challenge. The less beautiful ones react, but not as powerfully.

I'm not interested in the long-term girl, but if I do have one, she'd better challenge me, and me her! Life is a game. It's just having fun and she usually gets a good laugh out of it.

I've tried being "agreeable" and even New Age-y (helpful) to a lot of women until I woke up. I can't help but feel like I'm distancing myself from her when I do that - like I'm becoming one of her girlfriends. Yuck. And that's ultimately how it ends up, when my intent was otherwise.

For me, the "kind caring guy" approach only works AFTER you've established yourself as a man who is absolutely confident in himself. It's emphasized when you present that challenge to her, e.g. calling her on her flakiness or BS excuses in a playful way.

For example, one of the "nice" yet challenging methods I use with hot women is to look at her like she's crazy, or call her weird when she says something I don't understand. Or pretend to hear her say something she didn't say and then tease her about it. Or tell her her hair doesn't look the best today, that it could use some work. I'll post about that later in a different thread.

It may be true that not ALL women like that challenge attitude, just like not all men like bikini model bodies. But I do not think that eliminating the challenge aspect of your personality will automatically deter the "worthy" ones from your life.

There are MANY ways of being a challenge to a girl that will make her laugh and respect you - AND get you the girl you want for that long-term relationship. I'll post about it later.

Hope this helps.

[SnakePlissken]

"We chase what moves away from us." Hence the challange theory.